I like to joke that I stopped wearing glasses when I opened my third eye. It’s not really a joke, though.
Around the same time as I had my spiritual awakening (circa 2020), I started pushing my glasses back to my head, hanging them on my shirt. As if I could navigate without them. That’s only half true. I still need my glasses. Only now I lose them, then have to search for them without glasses, which is actually pretty tough. It’s inconvenient but I can’t stop.
Put it like this: The world around me is blurry but the world within is sharper.
Tarot, for me, was the gateway into this world. I used to ask all the time — and still do — but not as often: How is it possible that the cards I pull are always the right ones? Earlier today, for example, I was pulling cards for a client with such astonishing symmetry that my head became an interrobang (aka, ?!). A big what? And how?
This isn’t really about tarot cards, but about the force that moves them. The force that moves my hand and moves yours. How often you think about it? There are days I can’t stop. Everyone has a before and after. Everyone has many. This is one of mine. There was a before and after I started believing in miracles.
Once you open the door to believe that grace, miracles, order and meaning are possible, this (?!) is replaced with something more like a long sigh. An ahhh: Rest and relief. So instead of meeting my tarot spreads with perplexity, with how could this be possible, I meet them with affirmation: Of course this is possible. Thank you for showing me again.
It has become so much more than tarot. Now I am attuned to signs and dreams and this low strum, like a vibration, that I am not alone, and I am surrounded by a team of helpers. That I came into this world with a contract to fulfill and I’m acting for my next life. That spiritual development is the most serious task of my life. That nothing is a coincidence. That Earth is a school and I need to be learning.
I don’t always live in this space of heightened awareness. I usually don’t. Most of the time is spent with people who are — from my point of view — scrambling for the highest floor on a skyscraper without realizing that we can see from the heavens (you know?). Or, they’re just obsessed with the idea of getting to Heaven, in a Biblical sense, and those aren’t my people either.
My feet are on two tectonic plates. I voyage into the world of miracles when I am alone. I have a few friends there who I can speak freely with. Mostly, though, my real estate is a secret, one I do not talk about (except for my trusted and tolerant few). Otherwise, I fear people on the “normal side” will think that I only wear purple and smell like the inside of a candle shop in the East Village. You know? I bet you do.
But the fault line seems to be moving faster lately. It feels like have to pick a side or I will fall between the cracks.
On the one hand: I want to tell everyone what I know and what I’ve learned. How it can change everything. On the other: I want to keep to myself and not bother with trying to open up anyone’s eyes.
But I’m tired of pretending I am anything other than what I am. I’m so tired that I am ready to risk being called crazy and delusional.
Based on my meandering, you can probably tell I don’t have any answers. I want to know how you do it. Be both things. Deal with the material and preserve the spiritual self. Be in the material world and find time for the spiritual world. I’m still figuring it out. If you have any tips, help a sister out!
Books that got me here
WOO WOO: What is going on with our souls?
The Psychic Pathway by Sonia Choquette: This book help me start seeing proof, the hurdle I needed to keep going.
The Destiny of Souls by Michael Newton: This is some next level woo-woo stuff. Read it after you read Brian Weiss.
Anything by Caroline Myss. She has said in interviews that she’s never struggled with doubt. Her books are totally uninterested in questions of whether God is real; she’s more interested in all the possibilities that come from the assumption that of course God is real – but he’s not an “off planet God.”
PRACTICAL: How to apply spiritual principles into your life.
The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav: High-level concepts. Read with a pen.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo: He offers up a framework for blending spirituality and relationships that I find eye-opening and accessible.
Once again, Caroline Myss.
Readings
To book a reading with me, check out my booking form. I am offering two spots this week.